What about animals, who are clearly capable of feeling pleasure and pain and who cannot respond to the "happiness question"
Response does not have to be verbal but can be through behaviour in other forms as well
For example, a mouse that is staying away from the electroshock stick demonstrates that it does not want to re-live the experience of touching it
It is possible to set up experiments that clearly show the animal
* It still does not provide full transparency on how happy we are overall as we would need to run this process (asking the happiness question) for every single moment of our lives
s getting measured does not have to be restricted to a "short moment" (e
a second), but can be over a longer period of time, in the extreme case asking "would you chose to re-live your entire life again if offered (with exactly the same emotions, know-how etc
The risk with extending the measured period, however, is that there can be substantial distortions as our assessment of the past is very much influenced how we feel at the time we make the assessment
For example, if we are feeling great our assessment of our past will most likely be substantially more positive than if we just had a major stroke of fate, while there should be no difference as the life we
This distortion and how to deal with it will be addressed in the following posts
Before continuing further and addressing the logical questions that result from this, I would like to stop here and ask you what you think about this "preliminary" definition
Happiness is a well sought after emotion by all of us
Countless products and services are offered to provide this mindset so many seek
In fact, most advertisements for products use happiness as the subliminal benefit
Many believe that if they achieve a specific goal or make a certain acquisition, the feeling of happiness will belong to them
Some believe that if they follow all the rules of their religion, it will come
Unfortunately, this state of mind is short-lived when attached to an agenda
Happiness is a simple or complex state of being depending on how you define it in your mind
Let's start with the dictionary definition of happiness
The classic Webster defines happiness as "a state of well-being and contentment
" How does one achieve a "state of well-being and contentment"
That is the million dollar question so many seek the answer to
First, you have to determine what makes YOU content
The interesting truth about happiness is that there is no simple answer
The truth is that what makes one happy can make another miserable
Take it a step further and determine what makes you content
Bottom line, the negative energy of stress and anxiety is not dominating your mindset
Lack of happiness can be ignited and maintained by fears of countless sources, negative foresight of the future, being unwilling to forgive events from the past and a sense of no purpose
True happiness is experienced when it is ignited by helping others feel the emotion of happiness
In fact, the more you make others happy, the happier you will be
Just as it is true in the law of give and take, you will find what you seek when you unconditionally find a way to give it to someone else
Another important truth to remember is that nothing is permanent
Therefore, do not think that if happiness is not your current state of mind, it will not happen
Without experiencing sadness or any other unhappy emotion, you cannot appreciate the positive opposite
When you truly feel this truth in your heart, you will use the negative experience as an opportunity to learn from and grow
With this practice, the happiness you will experience can become even better; in fact, it can cross the line to a state of bliss
As you learn to be content within your heart at the present moment, you will feel the energy of peace
Happiness involves so much more than being satisfied
Happiness, if adequately defined, would include the reference to peace of mind and peace in the heart
Happiness would be defined as an active positive energy that circulates through your body
Happiness would be defined as being content and grateful as a result of the gifts you share with others
Simply stated, happiness would be defined as a positive energy that is within you and permeates from you
Regardless of your circumstances, the answer is yes
You do not have to be rich, you do not have to be popular, you do not have to have countless possessions
You simply have to choose the path you want to pursue in life to make others happy and just like the blissful state of deep sleep, happiness will envelop you without you consciously realizing it
When you do consciously become aware of it, share it and feel it grow
Have you ever met someone who's married or in a romantic relationship & asked them how they would know their relationshipis successful
I have; in fact, I've been the guy asking the questions
It may have seemed like a misstep on my part, but really it was an intervention designed to get the group of guys I meet with to begin thinking about how they know if they're in a successful relationship
What this means to you is this: How will you ever know if your marriage has reached the level of success you hope it will if you have YET to define what it would look like to be successful
Unfortunately, most people not only don't have an answer to that question, they also don't know the TRUE characteristics of a successful relationship
I was recently watching a episode of my new favorite TV show, "How I Met Your Mother"
The lead character, Ted, was talking about his "ideal" wife
She like tennis, dogs; wanted two kids - a boy and a girl; she was intelligent, social; liked the same favorite book, and so forth
Finding this 'ideal' woman represented a successful relationship to him
I'm sure you know a lot of other people like this - they believe if they just find the 'right' person, their 'soul-mate' then they'll have the perfect relationship
And as you know, this couldn't be further from the truth
Simply finding someone who shares interests as you, or who meets most of the items on your 'list', does NOT mean you will have a successful relationship
Here's the criteria you'll want to strive towards to have a stable, successful, fulfilling & passionate marriage (I'll break each of these down in a series of articles)
Each criteria applies to BOTH you and your partner; if just one of you meets the criteria, there will definitely be a 'red flag' for you in that area
I'll also reveal to you some 'extenuating circumstances' which, if apply, will lessen the overall danger if one of you is lacking one of the criteria
Secure attachment (or at least in the process of working through attachment issues), & this involves: a) Resolution of childhood losses, hurts, wounding, trauma (more on this later), & deprivations
b) Need identification: Being able to be aware of, and meet, your own needs (especially emotionally) in healthy, effective & appropriate avenues - instead of avoiding or 'checking out' c) The ability to give & receive comfort (by the way, I only know two couples, and a handful of single people, who are able to EFFECTIVELY & TRULY give comfort
The inability to experience REAL comfort in a relationship, I am convinced, is a MAJOR reason couples divorce, experience dissatisfaction, have physical or emotional affairs, experience resentment & bitterness, are unable to let go of the past, and are unable to truly resolve arguments)
d) Strong and secure sense of your self (nope, not a misspelling, I do mean your 'self')
Constant desire to be different (& the action therein) in your relationship
You seek your partner's best interest even at your own expense & potential lost
The exercise of self-responsibility; and, you view each other as a 'team-mate'
Ability to EFFECTIVELY confront each other, problems, difficulties, negative behaviors, & then resolve conflict to a MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL resolution & both of you experience the feeling of RELIEF afterward
Stay tuned for upcoming articles where I break each one of these criteria down for you to help you get a marriage filled with the abundance of love, peace, fulfillment & passion you both want
Make sure you pass it on to someone else you care about who you think will also benefit
Sponge - Bob Square - Pants, the cartoon character, may have the answers
Here are five ways to be happy at your job like Sponge - Bob Square - Pants
He knows how to be happy on the job, even if he lives in a pineapple under the sea
For more articles, please subscribe, add or follow me here
Weight loss and keeping fit programs are not for everyone
A few years back there was a craze for Nordic walking
I was living in Germany at the time and as Aldi were selling Nordic walking sticks I thought I'd give it a go
I joined the throngs of people marching around the local parks and got my heart rate up
I even bought a heart monitor but it was a complicated maneuver to glance at the watch thing that shows your heart rate whilst trying to keep the sticks moving properly
I enjoyed the afterglow of the exercise but I can't say I really enjoyed the process
Having said that, any activity that puffs you out and works up a sweat is bound to be doing you good
Do it for at least 20 minutes, regularly, to reap the benefits
It's quite hard for most of us, however, to find something enjoyable enough to make you want to do it for 20 minutes on a regular basis
The expanding waistlines everywhere are testament to this
On the other hand, talk to dancers and you'll find a group of people who seem to have a very different outlook
I'm not saying that members of a running club don't enjoy their sport or that athletes suffer their various pursuits under duress
I know there are dedicated amateurs who love their chosen exertions
But there are certain physical requirements to do these sports
You need a physique that lends itself to it, an agility and technical ability
When I run I'm a cross between a rhinoceros and a rail wagon on buckled tracks
Take a look at a group of dancers and you'll see a different picture
All shapes, sizes, ages and types of people are represented
Dancing is very inclusive and the places where you'll find it tend to be the kind of places you'd expect to have a good time: bars, clubs and parties
Learning about a dance and dancing is rarely associated with diet, exercise or health, though you'll find that most dancers who take their hobby seriously tend to avoid alcohol while they're actually dancing
It can be pretty physical if you're in a partner dance and you're not fully in control of what your fists are doing when you do a turn or a spin
But, almost inevitably, the way dancing makes you feel and the people you associate with make it an integral part of your life
Learning to dance is a fun and relatively painless process and it's not hard to make significant progress in only a few lessons
Being involved in such a vibrant and social activity increases your sense of wellbeing and almost unnoticeably your physical fitness and stamina improves
Sometimes new dancers find that it's their friends and associates telling them how they've changed that first alerts them to the improvements in their appearance
If you choose one of the Latin dances like Salsa or Samba then your whole attitude to life will change and you may well get swept up in a the party atmosphere that the music evokes
The dances are lively and energetic and you won't be wondering how much longer you have to endure the pain of an exercise session
Instead you'll be disappointed at the end of each lesson and be left hungry for more
If you're interested in learning a dance to a high standard then you'll find that individual private lessons are probably the way to go
You can also go on workshops at home or abroad and book private tuition during the course
The price is higher but if you find a good teacher it's well worth it
On the other hand, if you want to get moving but have limited time and a tight schedule then you may find that learning to dance at home suits you better
There are several video courses available that will show you the basics and you'll still enjoy all the physical benefits
Samba is particularly suited to this form of learning because of its small steps and tight movements
Get yourself a mirror and learn to shake your booty and hips without any fear of feeling self-conscious
There are even programs directly derived from Samba that will help you lose weight by dancing
Before any time at all you'll be brimming over with the joy of the dance and wanting to show off in public your new found ability to move like a goddess
The sound of Samba music or a lively beat will be all it takes to make you want to get up and strut your stuff
If you want to lose weight it's simple: be happy and dance
Sometimes it appears that life throws more obstacles in our path than we can handle
However, even in the face of the most challenging circumstances, you can make the choice to be happy by following these 9 paths to happiness
Honor Yourself: Remember what the flight attendant says, "Put your own oxygen mask on first
" You are of no use to anyone else if you have not taken care of your own needs first - this includes your own emotional, as well as physical, well-being
Forgive Everyone For Everything: Forgiveness is a gift to yourself
YOU created the stress in your life by getting angry, and YOU can instantly remove that stress by granting forgiveness
Expressing your forgiveness to the other is optional - internalizing that forgiveness is required in order to live a joyful life
Don't forget to also forgive yourself for everything you regret ever having done or not done
Have Gratitude For All Of Life: As with forgiveness, gratitude is a gift to yourself
Saying "thank you" is a powerful way to create great relationships, but the real power of gratitude is internalizing an immense thankfulness for your very existence - everything that has ever occurred or failed to occur in your life
Respect Your Mind: Faith is powerful, but it is no substitute for observing, paying attention, weighing alternatives, and choosing with intention
Without conscious choice, there is no freedom or happiness
Design Your Future: Don't be a passive tumbleweed blown by the winds of life
Envision the future you want, and then take action to create that future
Begin Today, and Never Give Up: There is no better time to begin than today - each and every "today
" When obstacles stop you, think of new ways to reach your goals
In the words of the Oriental proverb, "Fall seven times, stand up eight
Be Of Service To Others By Radiating Happiness: Being of service is one of the greatest paths to happiness, but remember that your greatest service to others is the person that you are, rather than the tasks you accomplish
Your greatest gift to others is to give them happiness, and by far the most powerful way to do that is to be an example of happiness and to radiate that happiness to others
Dance Lightly With Life: Life does not have to be a serious undertaking
You will make mistakes, you will feel regrets, and eventually, you will die - so what
Happiness comes from dancing lightly with life - playing hopscotch on the river of life - leaping gracefully from joy to joy while laughing at the threats of calamity - even laughing hysterically at our human frailness when we do fall into the muddy torrent
Know Unity With Spirit: There are as many ways to connect with Spirit as there are people - each of us has our own way to receive strength and serenity from the Infinite
Your life will be happier if you acknowledge that you are not alone, become open to that presence, and create ritual to celebrate your connection
You may feel your bond with Spirit at the Lord's Supper, in Songs of Praise, in Calls to Prayer, in Meditation, while doing Yoga or Qigong, or while walking in the woods
Familiarity breeds contempt - so the old saying goes - and, indeed, there is considerable psychological evidence to back this up
Many years research has proved that the normal mind performs its routine tasks in a mindless manner, without paying what is being done any attention at all
This psychological "facility" do perform routine tasks without paying them any attention has undoubted benefits - imagine if you had to pay attention to how you put one foot in front of the other when you walk
Imagine if you had to reacquire your driving skills every time that you sat behind the wheel of a car
Yes, "automaticity", as it is known, is of huge positive benefit in the normal course of our ordinary daily lives
But it also has a huge downside because, sooner or later, everything in the normal life becomes routine - as I ask all of my clients on my workshops, did they get the same "oomph" out of waking up beside their nearest and dearest as they did the very first morning that they woke up together
We all know that, at the very least, familiarity dulls the senses
As an observer of human behaviour, I've seen this "familiarity problem" raise its ugly head in the most public of places
Travelling back from a workshop in Ireland a couple of years back, I sat myself down at a comfortable window seat on the midday Dublin to Geneva flight
The aircraft was pretty full - it was a Friday and plenty of people were heading for the hills (or the Alps) for a long weekend
A gentleman of a certain age (an expression my wife and I use to describe a certain type of person who, having obviously climbed success's ladder, now thinks that he deserves the appropriate due deference - more of that some other time), dressed appropriately, in an expensive designer shirt and oh-too-neatly pressed corduroy trousers settled into his seat with the business pages of that Friday's Irish Times
His wife presented an altogether different picture - overweight, poorly dressed, poorly groomed
I'm not being pass-remarkable, I'm simply giving you the picture of a lady who, as events would prove, looked as if she'd spent a lifetime of subservience to the said gentleman
As we got ready for take-off, the usual announcements were made - pay attention to the security demonstration, switch off all mobile 'phones (cells or portables for those who don't know what a mobile is
The lady that I have just described asked her neatly-pressed husband if he could reach up into the overhead bin to fetch her handbag - she wasn't sure if she had turned her 'phone off
Unfortunately strict editorial guidelines prevent me from giving your word-for-word what was next said - but I'll give it to you with the language well toned down
I've settled down and I have no intention whatsoever of disturbing myself
" He continued "You should have thought of all this before you sat down yourself, you stupid, f'ing woman - if you want to check your 'phone go and f'ing do it yourself"
She rather meekly said she would leave things are they were
But he continued: "This, you know, is f'ing typical
I've spent years telling you that you're a stupid, half-witted f'ing idiot - and, there you go, you're proving me right again
He appeared completely oblivious to the fact that everyone was listening
Perhaps he'd developed a long established habit of talking to her like this and, at this stage, it was just the norm for him
Undoubtedly, at some point in the dim and distant past, these two people were madly in love with one another
But, as we've already said, familiarity breeds contempt
It may be an extreme example, but how many of us grant goodbye to the ones we claim to love as we rush out of the house stressed in the morning - barely able to raise a proper goodbye to someone from we couldn't; tear ourselves away that first morning
How many of us grunt an "I'm tired" at our nearest and dearest or young children when we stumble, battle-weary, in from work in the evening
Our relationships with the people with whom we spend large parts of our lives become routine and our resultant behaviour becomes mindless
Surely, when we come to define success and happiness for ourselves, our definition must pay some attention to our so-called loved ones
I know that the vast majority of my clients tell me, when asked to reflect on their priorities, that their loved ones are very important to them
I also know that, when asked to define how success would look or feel, I am told that the smiling eyes of those loved ones are in that picture
Yet, daily normal living seems to overwhelm the normal person to the point that, not only are they stressed out, they want to share the stress, to "spread the joy", when they arrive home in the evening
Well, I think it's time to pause, reflect on who's really important and close to you and come to your senses
As a client of mine once told me, he tried to seek out a first-time experience every time
However difficult that might be, if we don't overcome our capacity for automaticity, and the resultant manner in which we relate to the familiar, the ultimate loser is us
Because, if you think you know your nearest and dearest after all these years, how much more familiar do you think you are with the person with whom you've shared your whole life - you
Lately I have been reading a lot about real or genuine happiness as opposed to fake or synthetic happiness
Most of us have some degree of real happiness in our life
But the key to living a joyous life is to create your own happiness no matter what the situation
Below are three examples of why I believe we all have the power to create our own happiness
1- During World War II, my aunt was on welfare and raised two kids on her own
It seems like she might not have been such a happy camper considering the burden she had to carry
Yet, she was one of the most joyous people I've ever known
Because instead of thinking of herself, she was always making others happy
For example, if someone in her building was having a birthday she would bake cookies
Or, if she heard that someone was pregnant she would knit a baby blanket
Her philosophy was to make sure that every day she made at least one person happy
2- My wife died at the age of 34 from a rare liver disease
Not the greatest time in my life, particularly since we had a 10-year-old child at the time
What I learned from her, however, and what I teach others through my keynote speeches and my books, is that life is short and we never know how long we will be here, so you better enjoy the time you have
To reinforce that when I'm in trying times, I ask myself repeatedly, "Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right
3- One day, I was on the way to the gym and loudly singing the music of a Broadway show in my car
I wasn't paying much attention to the posted speed limit and as a result, got a speeding ticket
When I arrived at the gym I was still singing and still happy
I told my fellow gym-mates about the speeding ticket and they wanted to know how come I was still upbeat
I said, "I'm not going to let that ticket or that policeman ruin my day
The point of the above stories is that we all have the power to choice to be happy, no matter what
When we aren't, we give away our power and let other people or situations take away our happiness
Everyone wants to find that special someone at one point in their lives and settle down with them
Happy relationships, however, can be much harder to manage than most people may think
Have you ever thought about how many couples have broken up
Breakups and divorce are so common in the world today because having a happy relationship can be difficult
Many divorces are solely based on the couple being 'unhappy' and not finding a way to fix the problem
Have you ever been through a breakup because you or the other person involved was unhappy
If you are constantly looking for the 'bad boy' type or 'player' type, chances are you will not have a happy relationship
If you are looking for a potential life partner, a person who does not have that same interest as you will not be able to fulfill your dreams of a happy life
Choose the one that is mature, responsible, and a good person
Make sure you have common interests about your future such as marriage and children
Also, it is a good idea to find someone with common hobbies such as someone who loves the outdoors like you do, loves animals like you do, or is easygoing like you are
In order to have a happy relationship, you must be able to talk about the problems that you are having in your life
If there is no communication in your life, you are just setting your relationship up for failure
If you are having second thoughts about your relationship, tell your partner
They may be feeling the same way and you could figure out a healthy way to work on it together
If your partner does something to make you angry, tell them so you can figure out a way that it will not happen again
If you want a happy relationship, I am sure that means you want to truly enjoy each other
Having date nights can give you the alone time you need to be able to communicate and have fun together
Try making date nights a priority even if they are only once a month
You must be able to have fun together and a good time being alone with each other if you want to be happy with them
Even a movie night on the couch can be a date night and gives you the time you need to enjoy one another
Although many people may think that happy relationships are impossible, they are definitely not and anyone can have one
If you truly want a happy relationship and do all that you can to accomplish it, it will happen
However, the focus should not be limited to if one obtains tangible things
For example, I will be happy if I get a house, a car, or a higher paying job
When an individual base their happiness on the “if contingency,” they are limiting their emotion
The emotion of happiness creates a positive attitude
When one is happy, there is a belief created that one can achieve anything
Happiness inspires individuals to have a positive outlook on life
Happiness becomes the priority in having a good day
Therefore one should make it a daily practice and decide to be happy
Affirm Your Decision to be happy and make it your top priority
Our Mission: to spread happiness globally one person at a time
